I can't remember how I initially got involved with Body Gossip, I seem to remember it started with a tweet and a link to the incredible 'This one's for you' video. I got talking to Ruth and Tash, and later Sarah and Charlotte; and eventually made plans for Body Gossip on Tour @ York University 2011. I had a wonderful time putting on the 'show' and looking back, I can now see how my involvement and the friendships I developed with Team BG became an instrumental part of my own recovery journey. The wonderful body gossipers showed me that recovery from a mental illness (mainly an eating disorder) was possible and the process of doing so could then be used to help so many others. I think it was a real point for me where I began to think about the life I could be leading... granted it took me quite a few years to then get the support I needed for my own eating disorder and be able to openly talk about it to my family and friends, but these gals really helped me to realise that I wanted to recover... so thanks!!
Anyway, since BGOT@York, Tash has become a bit of a celeb, I knew her before she was on the telly box and my claim to fame can now be that I drank room wine and ate McDonalds with her before she was famous! Anyway, Tash is now part of the absolutely rocking Self Esteem Team who are basically the Charlie's Angels of mental health; travelling the country educating young people on mental health issues, kicking the arse of stigma and generally just do an amazing job for young people they work with.
Their awesome new #SwitchOnTheLight campaign aims to encourage men to talk about their feelings because of the high rate of male deaths to suicide in this country. It's amazing, the video is amazing and hopefully it will do the job of helping men to realise it's ok to not be ok and talk about that.
So watch the video, share the video or one of your male friends or family members how they really are.
Today, on the Friday of EDAW 2014 (eating disorders awareness week), is the 214th day of my admission into 'The Retreat' in York for my eating disorder. Today I managed to enter the hospital's bake off competition with a cake I had made... at the last bake off, held in September, I had managed to only just stay in the room because of the strength of the smell of the cakes. A lot has changed in the last 31 (approx.) weeks. I would love to say that I'm recovered but that wouldn't be true at all, but I can safely say I'm well on the start of the long journey that will be my recovery from my eating disorder. Eating disorder awareness week is an important week of raising awareness and funds mainly for the UK eating disorder charity B-eat who do a really amazing job of supporting and helping those with eating disorders. Eating disorders are a condition that can affect anyone at any time in their lives. I have had the privaledge to complete my journey on the 'Naomi program' with some of the strongest women I have ever met.
Eating disorders come in all different varieties. I think the common misconception is that eating disorders only affect young, white women who choose to restrict their food intake until they are very underweight. Weight isn't an indication of how unwell a person is. During the time I have had my eating disorder, I have been a variety of different weights and even though I am now maintaining a healthy weight, I still very much have an eating disorder.
For me, my eating disorder wasn't really about the food or my weight. It has/had a lot more functions than I ever realised but I'm now learning a new way of life and slowly but surely I'm fighting for the life I want to be living and the future I want. I think of eating disorders like having a glass of fruit juice that's been diluted. The sufferer is the fruit juice and their eating disorder is the water. The eating disorder dilutes the person until it's hard to see them but with help they can find themselves again and gradually get more concentrated. The person is there, it can just be hard to see them. I've blogged about my eating disorder before and I encourage people to read and to learn more about eating disorders. They aren't the stereotypes that are shown to us in the media e.t.c. they are so different from person to person and unfortunately there isn't any one cure for them.
Dog walking after Christmas, learning to love the 'recovered me'
When I agreed to come on to the Naomi program, I had agreed to be here for 6 weeks. Six weeks has become what will be nine months as an inpatient, something I really didn't think I needed when I started this part of my journey. It's funny, I thought I could do a quick fix of treatment and be better. I am so glad I stayed and am on the way to completing the full Naomi program. I've learnt so much about myself and so many really useful skills that I really hope will equip me to be really recovered one day. I believe I will be and I urge anyone who is worried about their relationship with food to get help. It's so worth it to not have to be completely controlled by food and be able to actually experience life. B-eat have recently completed some research into the cost of eating disorders in the UK and an overwhelming message is that earlier interventions and help would reduce the amount of money spent on eating disorder treatment... in other words, if you seek support earlier you can get well quicker. For me, recovery is becoming a norm that often I don't really like but can manage. It's not all rosy and nicey-nicey, sometimes it's rubbish but the promise of it not being rubbish forever keeps me going. You can't experience the good without having to experience the difficult too and I am sure I want to strive for the good! I'm tired so no doubt my blog tonight might be a bit of a waffly muddle, but hopefully I will have come close to doing justice to what an important topic this is!
Firstly I've realised how totally rubbish I have been at blogging recently! Sorry about that for anyone who might have been eagerly awaiting my next blogging instalment.... not that it's all that likely haha!
Today I attended the York Body Confidence day at the Coppergate Centre. I was invited along as a Body Gossip Ambassador and did a workshop with the lovely 'Miss York' Maryann. Now... it's the first body confidence style workshop I've ever done, so it was a little nerve wracking at first. I had a really lovely time and felt really privileged to meet the girls from Joseph Rowntree School and talk positive bodies with them.
Here are a selection of pictures from the event! What a YAY kind of day <3
One day I'd like to be able to write something really inspirational, to have that effect on people and make them really stop and think about what they've just read. I want to be able to make a difference or raise awareness through my words. The trouble is I'm not really sure how to get to that stage, or even if my writing is good enough. It seems to me, to be a commonplace among writers to show doubts about their abilities. I don't think I'm anywhere near a point in my life where I can self-define as being a writer yet, I like to think of myself as a baby writer or a writer in training perhaps.
On the subject of something inspirational and in an attempt to break up my inane ramblings of the morning a little. Here is a video for you. I think it is perhaps my second favourite Body Gossip video. My favourite of course being the original 'This one's for you'. This video however speaks volumes about society right now; what is it that makes us so scared of the real human body? Inspirational YAH!
Now back to my writing saga... I recently started a part-time job as a Copy Editor. It was something that came as a surprise around a time (during exam and assignment hell!) where it was really lovely to have the confidence boost of being approached and told I'd be perfect for the job and that they really wanted me/had thought of me! From now on this is how I wish to receive all of my job offers, thank-you! The idea of being hand picked in a kind of headhunted type of way is enough to brighten anyone's day or week! But anyway... I digress... so being offered this Copyediting job, I guess, was a sign that I must be an ok writer. I'm one for evidence that is quite based in proof and during my miniature 'I'll never be a proper grown up writer ever' style crisis, this was a definite boost to the old confidence!
I think it all harks back to my natural fall back of assuming I won't be able to do something to prevent the disappointment of failing at it. It's much easier for something to go wrong and for me to be able to say... ah yes but I did say it would go wrong. I think it must be some sort of face saving tactic (ah yeah get in there identity revision!!) that prevents having a demonstrate having failed something.
At the moment I'm trying to make a really conscious effort to celebrate and acknowledge when I do great stuff and not beat myself up if something doesn't go too well. Now I'm going to sound completely big headed and I don't mean to. But last week the shortlisted nominations for our student union awards were released. Again there was 400 nominations and by some sort of miracle I've been shortlisted for two awards again!! The lovely thing is that one of the awards 'RAG volunteer of the year' is an award I have now been shortlisted for every year I've been at Uni. Last year I was also shortlisted for 'Outstanding contribution to student support' and this year I've been shortlisted for 'Outstanding contribution to student life'. Now what I'm trying to do here to be proud of what I've done and think.... wow I must be doing something pretty freaking good right now! Yay!
I suppose what I'm trying to say in this post today is that it's ok to feel proud about the things you do, and there's no need to doubt yourself. I mean what's the use of wasting time doubting your ability when you could use that time to work on it?
I found an interesting article the other day. Baileys surveyed 4000 women to ask them who inspired them. The results were quite astonishing as most of the women picked fictional characters rather than real women!! It made me think about who inspires me.
My mum and the women in my family- ok... it's a broad group here! But my mum, sister, aunties, cousin, grandma and my lovely Nannie who is no longer with us are all wonderful in their own rights. I love them dearly and I think that makes them all the more important!
My friends- I have some really wonderful friends. I don't really want to bore you by going through and naming every one of them. But they're wonderful and each and every one is special to me!!
Now actresses are an interesting one- again in the Independent article, many of the inspirational women were actresses. I have actress heroines such as Judy Dench, Julie Walters, Helen Mirren, Maggie Smith and Julie Andrews who are all women I admire for their talent. But again, I wonder how much of my admiration is for their characters rather than precisely for them as individuals. Julie Walters and Helen Mirren particularly inspire me in Calendar Girls, my favourite film. I think this therefore means that I'm actually inspired by Angela Baker; the original calendar girl who raised money in memory of her husband.
Now many people know I'm a huge fan of the Bodygossip; through being an ambassador for the campaign I have met the wonderful Tash Devon, Ruth Rogers, Sarah Fullager and Charlotte Gatherer. Now this lot are all pretty incredible too! They inspire me to love my body in all of its real glory!
Now the reality is... I could go on for a long time thinking of all the women who inspire me in life. It heartens me to know there are so many fabulous ladies out there who I hope one day to be even a fraction as great as they are.
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