I went for a swim this afternoon and whilst getting changed I heard a mother and daughter having a conversation. A sibling had stated that the (I presume) youngest needed to learn to float better in order to not have to swim with the aid of arm bands, which she seemed keen to be rid of. Initially it seemed like a fairly inane conversation until the little girl responded. She replied, saying 'My bum's too big for me to float, do I need to lose weight Mummy?'. It really saddened me that a child, so young, was questioning if she needed to lose weight. It made me feel really sad that she had obviously heard conversations about weight that had led her to mimic what she had heard. Arguably, she probably didn't realise what she was saying, but it still made me sad that she had thought of it.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul- Sarah Koppelkam
The basic premise of her video is that body-talk isn't really necessary and that the focus should be on what you can do with your body rather than how it should and shouldn't look. As I've ranted about in previous blogs, there is such a focus on fat-shaming, thin-shaming... you name it, discussions about bodies that really aren't necessary and can do so much damage to young people.
Today, on the Friday of EDAW 2014 (eating disorders awareness week), is the 214th day of my admission into 'The Retreat' in York for my eating disorder. Today I managed to enter the hospital's bake off competition with a cake I had made... at the last bake off, held in September, I had managed to only just stay in the room because of the strength of the smell of the cakes. A lot has changed in the last 31 (approx.) weeks. I would love to say that I'm recovered but that wouldn't be true at all, but I can safely say I'm well on the start of the long journey that will be my recovery from my eating disorder. Eating disorder awareness week is an important week of raising awareness and funds mainly for the UK eating disorder charity B-eat who do a really amazing job of supporting and helping those with eating disorders. Eating disorders are a condition that can affect anyone at any time in their lives. I have had the privaledge to complete my journey on the 'Naomi program' with some of the strongest women I have ever met.
Eating disorders come in all different varieties. I think the common misconception is that eating disorders only affect young, white women who choose to restrict their food intake until they are very underweight. Weight isn't an indication of how unwell a person is. During the time I have had my eating disorder, I have been a variety of different weights and even though I am now maintaining a healthy weight, I still very much have an eating disorder.
For me, my eating disorder wasn't really about the food or my weight. It has/had a lot more functions than I ever realised but I'm now learning a new way of life and slowly but surely I'm fighting for the life I want to be living and the future I want. I think of eating disorders like having a glass of fruit juice that's been diluted. The sufferer is the fruit juice and their eating disorder is the water. The eating disorder dilutes the person until it's hard to see them but with help they can find themselves again and gradually get more concentrated. The person is there, it can just be hard to see them. I've blogged about my eating disorder before and I encourage people to read and to learn more about eating disorders. They aren't the stereotypes that are shown to us in the media e.t.c. they are so different from person to person and unfortunately there isn't any one cure for them.
Dog walking after Christmas, learning to love the 'recovered me'
When I agreed to come on to the Naomi program, I had agreed to be here for 6 weeks. Six weeks has become what will be nine months as an inpatient, something I really didn't think I needed when I started this part of my journey. It's funny, I thought I could do a quick fix of treatment and be better. I am so glad I stayed and am on the way to completing the full Naomi program. I've learnt so much about myself and so many really useful skills that I really hope will equip me to be really recovered one day. I believe I will be and I urge anyone who is worried about their relationship with food to get help. It's so worth it to not have to be completely controlled by food and be able to actually experience life. B-eat have recently completed some research into the cost of eating disorders in the UK and an overwhelming message is that earlier interventions and help would reduce the amount of money spent on eating disorder treatment... in other words, if you seek support earlier you can get well quicker. For me, recovery is becoming a norm that often I don't really like but can manage. It's not all rosy and nicey-nicey, sometimes it's rubbish but the promise of it not being rubbish forever keeps me going. You can't experience the good without having to experience the difficult too and I am sure I want to strive for the good! I'm tired so no doubt my blog tonight might be a bit of a waffly muddle, but hopefully I will have come close to doing justice to what an important topic this is!
One day I'd like to be able to write something really inspirational, to have that effect on people and make them really stop and think about what they've just read. I want to be able to make a difference or raise awareness through my words. The trouble is I'm not really sure how to get to that stage, or even if my writing is good enough. It seems to me, to be a commonplace among writers to show doubts about their abilities. I don't think I'm anywhere near a point in my life where I can self-define as being a writer yet, I like to think of myself as a baby writer or a writer in training perhaps.
On the subject of something inspirational and in an attempt to break up my inane ramblings of the morning a little. Here is a video for you. I think it is perhaps my second favourite Body Gossip video. My favourite of course being the original 'This one's for you'. This video however speaks volumes about society right now; what is it that makes us so scared of the real human body? Inspirational YAH!
Now back to my writing saga... I recently started a part-time job as a Copy Editor. It was something that came as a surprise around a time (during exam and assignment hell!) where it was really lovely to have the confidence boost of being approached and told I'd be perfect for the job and that they really wanted me/had thought of me! From now on this is how I wish to receive all of my job offers, thank-you! The idea of being hand picked in a kind of headhunted type of way is enough to brighten anyone's day or week! But anyway... I digress... so being offered this Copyediting job, I guess, was a sign that I must be an ok writer. I'm one for evidence that is quite based in proof and during my miniature 'I'll never be a proper grown up writer ever' style crisis, this was a definite boost to the old confidence!
I think it all harks back to my natural fall back of assuming I won't be able to do something to prevent the disappointment of failing at it. It's much easier for something to go wrong and for me to be able to say... ah yes but I did say it would go wrong. I think it must be some sort of face saving tactic (ah yeah get in there identity revision!!) that prevents having a demonstrate having failed something.
At the moment I'm trying to make a really conscious effort to celebrate and acknowledge when I do great stuff and not beat myself up if something doesn't go too well. Now I'm going to sound completely big headed and I don't mean to. But last week the shortlisted nominations for our student union awards were released. Again there was 400 nominations and by some sort of miracle I've been shortlisted for two awards again!! The lovely thing is that one of the awards 'RAG volunteer of the year' is an award I have now been shortlisted for every year I've been at Uni. Last year I was also shortlisted for 'Outstanding contribution to student support' and this year I've been shortlisted for 'Outstanding contribution to student life'. Now what I'm trying to do here to be proud of what I've done and think.... wow I must be doing something pretty freaking good right now! Yay!
I suppose what I'm trying to say in this post today is that it's ok to feel proud about the things you do, and there's no need to doubt yourself. I mean what's the use of wasting time doubting your ability when you could use that time to work on it?
.jpg)