Switch on the light!

I can't remember how I initially got involved with Body Gossip, I seem to remember it started with a tweet and a link to the incredible 'This one's for you' video. I got talking to Ruth and Tash, and later Sarah and Charlotte; and eventually made plans for Body Gossip on Tour @ York University 2011. I had a wonderful time putting on the 'show' and looking back, I can now see how my involvement and the friendships I developed with Team BG became an instrumental part of my own recovery journey. The wonderful body gossipers showed me that recovery from a mental illness (mainly an eating disorder) was possible and the process of doing so could then be used to help so many others. I think it was a real point for me where I began to think about the life I could be leading... granted it took me quite a few years to then get the support I needed for my own eating disorder and be able to openly talk about it to my family and friends, but these gals really helped me to realise that I wanted to recover... so thanks!!

Anyway, since BGOT@York, Tash has become a bit of a celeb, I knew her before she was on the telly box and my claim to fame can now be that I drank room wine and ate McDonalds with her before she was famous! Anyway, Tash is now part of the absolutely rocking Self Esteem Team who are basically the Charlie's Angels of mental health; travelling the country educating young people on mental health issues, kicking the arse of stigma and generally just do an amazing job for young people they work with.

Their awesome new #SwitchOnTheLight campaign aims to encourage men to talk about their feelings because of the high rate of male deaths to suicide in this country. It's amazing, the video is amazing and hopefully it will do the job of helping men to realise it's ok to not be ok and talk about that.

So watch the video, share the video or one of your male friends or family members how they really are.

Life is one big transition

Today I'm blogging about a topic chosen by my lovely friend Naomi, you should follow her on twitter @Naomi_Barrow, she talks a lot of sense and is an awesome activist and fabulous lady. Anyway, Naomi suggested I talked about transitions for today's #MHAW2015 post.

Now seems the perfect time to talk about transitions, as I am mid-transition myself between being an inpatient and out in the real world again (12 days free). At the same time I've gone from living in York (student accommodation pre-hospital) and now I'm back to living at home for a while. Transitions are hard, especially for someone who is mental health concerns or needs to think about. I've come up with a list of my top tips for managing transitions.


Top tips for smooth(er) transitions:

• Work out your time scale- think about the time scale before your move/transition and work out the time frame you will have to ensure everything you need is in place. Try not to leave things until the last moment if you can.

• Make sure you have a support network at home who are aware of your mental health e.t.c. Making appointments and having to start afresh with someone new can be really stressful, but if they've already had some information and an idea of the kind of support you will need can be really helpful. It can also be good to have a named person where you will be so you know in advance who you'll need to talk to if you are struggling. 

• Plan ahead- as part of my relapse prevention work, I had a meal plan for the first week of being out in the real world. Having ideas of what you will eat, how you will manage your time and the kind of activities you can do if you are at a loss or struggling can be really helpful. Have some kind of notebook/folder with all of that information in is also really helpful as you will have a go-to emergency guide. I had things like a back to basics meal plan (a week of food), back to basics weekly structure (things I needed to do over the week as a minimum if I was low in mood or motivation), emergency meal plan (for one day) and emergency activities plan. 

• Get yourself a distress tolerance box- I'll do another post about distress tolerance boxes, they really are amazing. But essentially they're a go-to place when you're struggling with things that will soothe you, distract you and generally help you bring intense emotions back down to somewhere more manageable.  Your box could include pictures that make you happy, distraction lists, nice smelly things, touchy feely things and reasons for recovery/to not use a self destructive behaviour. There's scope for them to contain anything really, it's just a place to keep all the helpful things you know work for you together.

• Remember you don't have to do it alone- Talk to friends, professionals and family members. Try and let them know the things you might feel difficult and ways they might be able to help you if you're struggling. Keep letters or notes ready that you can give to people if you're struggling with a guide of how to support you on it. 

These are just a few thoughts, it's not a definitive list but hopefully it's a few things to think about. I suppose life is all one big transition and the key is to think about how you can manage them, once you've got a good set of skills you can use them in a variety of different settings. Transitions are hard but they are possible, keep going my lovely mental health warriors! 

Mental Health Awareness Week 2015

Yesterday was crazy busy so unfortunately I didn't get chance to write my post on the first day of Mental Health Awareness week 2015. Raising awareness for mental health is so important to me, for obvious reasons! I think it's vital that people are aware of mental health and that it becomes less of a taboo subject or area where people feel uncomfortable or uneasy because they just don't really understand or know what to stay. There's such a problem with the *unsaid* and I really feel it's something that, if rectified, could really lead to more people getting support earlier or feeling able to say when they are struggling.

This year, the focus for #MHAW2015 is Mindfulness. Whilst I was an inpatient for my eating disorder, I got to practice a lot of mindfulness and found that it made up a really large part of my recovery journey. Mindfulness enabled me to manage my thoughts and feelings in a different and healthier way. Rather than trying to exert control over everything, I was able to notice, accept and move on from my thoughts; being able to do this was particularly helpful with managing my eating disordered thoughts, noticing them, accepting them for what they are (eating disordered crap) and being able to not give them the time of day that my illness wanted them to have. It enable me to be mindful rather than having a mind that was full of things I didn't want to be there. I was able to just 'be' in the present rather than stuck in my head.

A common misconception of mindfulness is that it is some weirdy meditative activity, put simply mindfulness is about focusing on the current moment and not letting the past or present get in the way of it. For me, breathing mindfulness exercises are brilliant if I am feeling stressed or anxious, they really help me to clear my head and have one focus rather than lots of different ideas whizzing through my mind.

My plan is to blog as much as possible this week and help raise awareness and stuff for MHAW2015!

International Happiness Day and a call to arms!

A picture of 'The Retreat Grounds' I took recently that makes me happy

Happy International Happiness Day

Yesterday was International Happiness Day, a day created by the UN to help people to remember the importance of happiness and wellbeing as 'universal goals in the lives of human beings around the world and the importance of their recognition in public policy objectives'- UN 2012. I find it interesting to think of happiness and wellbeing being linked on such a large institutional scale, something that I think is vitally important but often missed.

I also wanted to test the water from some guest bloggers or interviews for my blog or even requested content or topics. My blog has gone over the 3800 views mark but I'm keen to drum up some more followers and interest in what I'm writing. I'd like to throw the option out there for some suggestions of where you'd like me to go next and also ask anyone who would be interested, if they could share my blog or drop me a quick follow as I'd love to get a bit more visible and hopefully get to 4000 views and a lot more followers by the end of April! So please drop me a comment if you'd be interested in getting involved. I'm also thinking of adding an ask button of some sort for ideas and questions! 

You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome

You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome- Patch Adams

I watched Patch Adams today, starring the wonderful Robin Williams. The films is about Hunter Doherty 'Patch' Adams, an American Physician who founded the Gesundheit institute in 1971. The film tells the story of how Adams, whilst an inpatient in a psychiatric hospital following a suicide attempt, made a link between individuals mood and wellbeing and their recovery from physical illness. The key to treating patients was to do so in a holistic manner, looking at their health in terms of their family, community and the world around them. The film was semi-biographical, Patch Adams a real doctor and activist and generally inspirational man.

The real Patch Adams at the Gesundheit Institute

The story of Patch Adams really interested me as it seemed to have similarities to the history behind The Retreat, where I am currently an inpatient... just many hundreds of years earlier. The Retreat was opened in 1796, pioneering humane and moral treatment for those with mental health problems. It became a model for asylums all over the world and really pioneered the reform of mental health treatment. The Retreat was opened by William Tuke following the death of Leeds Quaker, Hannah Mills, who died in York Asylum in 1790 in appauling conditions. Tuke and his family vowed that never again a Quaker should endure the treatment that Hannah Mills had suffered; gradually the hospital catered for all individuals and retained the essence of the early views of moral treatment for patients.

Robin Williams in 'Patch Adams' 

Holistic treatment for those with mental health problems has always been something I have felt really strongly about. Through my own experiences and seeing the experiences of others, it seemed so glaringly obvious that the only way someone could recover from a mental illness was if they were treated as a whole individual, not just helped by firefighting their symptoms. For me, the real start of my recovery from my eating disorder and first time I have properly made progress with making real changes came from being at The Retreat. 

Interestingly, in this year 's 'Sock it to eating disorders' campaign masterminded by B-eat, a new report into the chose of eating disorders to the UK economy was launched. It indicated how inconsistent treatment was for individuals across the country and the outcome of this was eating disorders costing the national economy tens of billions of pounds. The report outlines B-eat's views on early intervention and focused treatment for individuals and a more holistic treatment of individuals with eating disorders. 

I think a lot of eating disorder treatment focuses on stabilising individuals but doesn't work on the psychological aetiology of their illness or working on making their lives recovery focused to help prevent them from relapsing by giving them real purpose and meaning through the activities that they take part in and do. For me, this has been the key to embarking on the road to recovery, it's been about all of me, not just the illness. 

For those who are recovery in different settings, try and look at the bigger picture and move the focus away from the minute details of your illness. If you can't see your reasons for recovery and the things you can get from recovery, then the focus remains so inward and recovery is so much more challenging.

You've got the love I need to see me through

So... as a mental health blogger, I have always alluded to the fact I have experiences of mental health issues but haven't been fully open about it all. It just wasn't the right time and I think there's always a right time for these kind of things, and that seems like now. Plus, it's a chance to let my friends know where I'm going to be for the next month and a half. 

I've decided that being a human can be tricky, there's no manual that lets you know how to deal with different situations and sometimes it would be really lovely if there was something to refer back to when times are hard. I've developed some rather maladaptive coping mechanisms over the years and it's surprising to see how quickly the odd things you do every now and again can catch up with you. It can take a while before you think your little quirks are actually turning into a bit of a problem. 

I hate labels with an almighty burning passion. I think, especially for my variety of maladaptiveness, a label can be something that burdens you. I've found myself in the uncomfortable criteria of disordered eating. It's interesting that when you have a difficulty with food, the thing that becomes key to whether you're going to receive support and treatment is your BMI. Now if I ruled the world, BMI could go and die in a hole, BMI is a stupid measure! It doesn't take into account muscle mass and hydration, whether you've peed or not... and above all it doesn't measure anything within your head. The key to an eating disorder is that in reality it's nothing about food or weight at all. The food behaviours and weight changes are a symptom of an underlying problem... whether that's control, low self esteem, OCD... anything really. It makes me cross that the system we currently have relies on people being very poorly and underweight to receive the right treatment, I think treatment should start early and work to help people BEFORE they reach that point... but I suppose that's an argument for another time. 

So... I went from worrying a little about my weight, to being totally encompassed mentally and physically with an eating disorder. One of the ways I've tried to describe it to friends, family and professionals before is like that kind of conscience feeling when you leave the house and you know you've forgotten something; that feeling deep in your stomach that something is amiss but you can't quite put your finger on what it might be. Well imagine that but the only way you can get rid of it is to place all of your self worth on what you're going to eat or not going to eat, what you weigh or should weigh or did weigh or will weigh... then imagine that feeling being the background of everything. That's what it's like to have an eating disorder... of course I'm just speaking for myself right now, everyone's experiences are different. But I think it is quite common for eating disorders to become very overpowering, the illusion of control controls you. It's like it's the filter in which everything in life has to pass through. To be quite honest it's exhausting. 

Now my friends and family are bloody amazing! They've put up with my 'battiness' for such a long time and have just been there for me and loved me throughout it, something I can't thank them enough for. I'm better than I was, but there's still a long way for me to go to stop reverting to my coping mechanisms as soon as life seems a bit scary. So I've been offered a really amazing opportunity, to spend some time in an inpatient program to have some really intensive treatment... fingers crossed I'll come out in 6 weeks and be a lot better than I am. I'm not content with being able to function WITH my eating disorder, I want to kick it's arse and be done with it. I'm bored of being poorly now, I want my life back and I've got a hell of a lot to be looking forward to that just isn't compatible with anorexia. So... starting on Monday 4th August, I'll be hanging out in 'food prison' for 6 weeks... hopefully I'll make the most of my little stint in rehab and come out and start the next chapter of my life with all the people I love and care about. 

Before I finish I just want to dispel a few eating disorder myths that are just pants: 

• Eating disorders are NOT just for white british teenage girls- anyone at any age and gender can be affected 
• You don't have to be visibly underweight to have an eating disorder- my rather distasteful joke has always been that I am a 'fat anorexic'. You can be very poorly and outwardly still look ok. Weight is not a measure of how unwell someone is and is definitely not something you can use to tell if someone has an eating disorder
• Eating disorders are an illness and it's not something to be ashamed of- I spent a long time feeling embarrassed that I couldn't deal with food properly and that I wasn't able to be 'normal'. A massive part of me getting better has been to be able to be honest and say... actually I'm not ok, but I'm getting better. 
• You don't have to treat someone with an eating disorder differently, unless you fancy giving them extra love and hugs... thats totally ok! I'm still me, I'm just poorly right now, but I won't be forever. 
• Recovery is possible! And I'm going to do it! 

I urge anyone who is worried about their eating to seek help as soon as they can and if you don't get it, keep asking until you do. No-one deserves to be poorly! 

Love Kate xx

You can get support from the eating disorder charity B-eat and also Men Get Eating Disorders Too! 

Everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

So... there has been a distinct silence coming from my blog in recent months. There's been a lot going on in my life, perhaps now isn't the time to get into that! But hey... lots has happened to distract me and keep me from writing. However I feel there is a need for me to get back into the swing of things and start posting a little more regularly. Not due to any sense of commitment to posting a certain number of blogs at specific intervals but more to encourage me to keep writing. Writing has become a big part of what I do day in, day out... but I want to make sure that writing for pleasure stays a big part of my life. I don't want to lose the sense of enjoyment and relaxation I get from writing down waffly ideas every now and again. 

I tend to keep a list of ideas and another folder in my bookmarks on my browser containing things I fancy writing about at some point. I had a look in my little inspiration list today and found a slightly peculiar article. I looked at it blankly and skimmed through it again wondering what past me had seen in this article about a catfish. It didn't dawn on me until I read the last line...

Be kinder than necessary 'cause everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle

 If you read the article you'll see it's about a man called Bill Driver who saw a ball bouncing on the surface of a lake and wondered what it was, on closer inspection he found a catfish who had tried to eat the ball which then became stuck in his mouth. The poor cat fish was stuck, unable to get the ball out of its mouth and exhausted from trying to dive under water and being repeatedly brought back to the surface by the buoyancy of the ball. Without Bill and his wife Pam managing the puncture the ball and get it out of its mouth, the catfish would have probably died. The kindness of two passers by, of a totally different species saved the life of the catfish... it's only a fish you may say... but it was still an act of kindness to this creature. 

Now as soppy as I am, the fish story clearly made me feel happy knowing there are kind hearted people out there, it wasn't until I reached the quote (on my initial read) that it struck a chord with me. I know a lot of people with varying mental health problems, who on a day to day basis function fairly well... it's really amazing! But I think it's important to remember that even if people do seem to be fine and dandy on the outside (and this isn't just specific to mental health conditions), they may be dealing with something else on the inside and just hiding it well. I think the key is to make sure you treat everyone in a kind way... yeah as you would like to be treated yourself and all that jazz... but be mindful that they might be having a hard time on the inside and you could be the one who helps them through it by being kinder than necessary. 

Kate xx

Widening my perspectives of the world

Telephonstolpar (telephone posts) By Erik Johansson

This week I listened in to a conversation between two very sweet old ladies. They were 88 and 83 years old and had a lot of life experience. One had been a staff nurse at a mental health hospital for predominantly her entire career and both were full of interesting stories and views of the world. They were discussing how sad it was that the youth of today were so distracted from real life by technology that they weren't out there getting jobs and earning for themselves. 

I was filled with a sense of agreement with some of what they were saying in that I could do with spending less time arsing about on the internet and doing something productive, but equally I didn't agree. For me my laptop is a gateway into the world and a way to show me how much more to life there is than what I see day to day. This evening we skyped our housemate in America and the ability to talk to her despite her being so far away was something I wished the two old ladies I had listened to had experienced. 

Arbete (work)- by Erik Johansson

Recently I've become slightly addicted to stumbleupon and I could easily spend hours aimlessly stumbling at pictures and interesting websites. I realise that this may prove the point that the internet is there for time wasting however being able to flick through places that inspire me and remind me that life won't remain the same forever fills me with some comfort. I'm just a small fish in a big pond and I just need to remember that there's a whole world out there ready for me to get exploring. I came across a photographer/artist named Erik Johansson who creates pictures that have different perceptions on what you are seeing. He describes his work as demonstrating what his mind sees and the pictures are really beautiful and I found them to be quite haunting too. There's something about the images that makes you stop and think about the world for the moment and wonder about some of the aspects of it. The main thing I took away from the pictures was the interaction between what is natural and what is man made and controlled- there seemed to be a wonderful message within the pictures of how interlinked both of those ideas are. Man control and interacts with a world that exists on its own but allows manipulation. 

Tonights blog seems to be a bit of a pile of different ramblings and thoughts. But hey... I'm running with it and I think I might be on to a couple of ideas that other less tired humans might be interested to read haha! My final parting thought is a quote. I'm clearly becoming the queen of quotes but I really like this one. Again it was something that I came across and it made me stop, pause and think for a moment. I think the things in life that make you stop and think are the most valuable especially in a society where we are all so busy all of the time. No wonder there are so many people struggling with there mental health, life moves too quickly to be properly processed so people revert to other ways to cope. 

 ... imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, 'This is an interesting world I find myself in - an interesting hole I find myself in - fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!' This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it's still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything's going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise. ” Douglas Adams

Night night for now.

Love Kate x

Filling the damage with gold, history makes beauty

I read an interesting quote the other day... 

When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something has suffered damage and has a history, it becomes more beautiful.' 

Billie Mobayed

Life is not always that simple and we experience all sorts of things that make us feel damaged or broken. But in the long run I feel these things all add together to make us stronger people. We get stronger in the places we break because we have to fill those broken parts with something beautiful.

I'm not happy but I'm not unhappy about it

Tonights blog is probably going to turn out to be quite philosophical as I've just watched 'The History Boys' and am feeling quite mellow. Firstly I implore you to watch the film, as it really is truly fabulous! The quote I heard in it tonight which inspired me to sit and write something was the following: 

'I'm not happy but I'm not unhappy about it' - Posner (The History Boys; 2006)

 I felt there was a parallel here with experiencing mental health problems in the idea that often they can take some time to get over. The issues remain however the individuals ability to perceive them in what may be considered as a 'better' way changes. People with depression, for example, often have the condition over a period of time, but their ability deal with their experience and perception of it can change and take a more positive form. They may well not be happy but that unhappiness does not cause them further sadness.

I feel there is also a parallel with the outside perception of mental illness and conditions. On the inside people have something that isn't always obvious to others. They may not demonstrate an unhappiness about what is happening on the outside so often it can be difficult for people on the outside to complete understand what's going on. For all intents and purpose they may 'seem' completely 'normal'... whatever normal is.

I'm not really sure what the point is I'm trying to make. I think I just felt a sense of meaning from the quote that seemed to fit with my blog.

Mellow Kate over and out xx

Mindfullness in the form of baking

Being mindful is a form of self awareness- something that's a real popular buzz word in the mental health field at the moment. Practicing mindfulness is seen to be really beneficial for positive wellbeing and there are many ways to do it.

I found a pretty mindful activity in the form of baking with my other half Beth yesterday. Have a look at her blog for the recipe and baking wisdom. I am currently writing this with the smell of freshly baked bread wafting through the house!!

So we made some bread. Well.... Beth did some proper baking... she made an 8 stranded plait with mozzarella, pesto and herbs in it.... it was pretty impressive. Beth is a rather talented baker to say the least. She basically did all the baking and then left me to revert to being a small child again and gave me some dough to play with/make into cute shapes and just generally have some fun with!!

Here's what I made... the before and after pictures...


From right to left the ingredients are as follows:

1- Mustard seed roll

2- Caper roll

3- Garlic and parsley knot which has got the unfortunate appearance of a turd....

4- Parmesan, garlic and parsley plait

5- Should be a poppyseed pinwheel but the picture went funny and didn't load... but it is pretty honest!

6- Herby roll with mustard seeds, basil, parsley, mixed herbs, garlic and poppy seeds

7- A baked Stitch!

So... the process of baking involves patience and time. The bread requires a lot of kneading, especially if you're trying to put stuff into it e.g. herbs e.t.c. Also if you want to make an interesting shape like a plait or a knot then you need to have the patience to keep rolling the dough out as it's really springy and likes to go back to the original shape if it gets the chance.

So... clearly I am lacking in artistic and baking skills. However back to the original point I was making.... this is a really good activity for mindfulness.

Here are the pictures of the finished products! I was rather pleased with my effort!

And from a mindful point of view, I really found the process of making the bread really great for focusing on what I was doing and being able to just clear my mind and do something that wasn't too taxing but was a beneficial thing to be doing.

Beth and I then spent the next part of the afternoon doing some papier mache... who says we're grown up hey?!

A lovely relaxing a industrious day well spent I feel.

Loves xxxx

In memory of Matt Ryd

Now first of all I would like you to watch the video above. This is a video of a wonderful musician, Matt Ryd, and his story of having an eating disorder. I think his explanation and the things he says (or writes as the case might be) are truly amazing and very brave. 

My introduction to this wonderfully brave and talented musician came about in a very sad way indeed. I read a blog post by MGEDT (Men get eating disorders too) that was written in memory of Matt who very sadly lost his battle with an eating disorder recently. Initially the idea of watching the video knowing that this brave man had passed away felt wrong and wasn't something I wanted to do. However, I did go ahead and watch the video and I was glad, feeling really privileged to see what he chose to share as an awareness for eating disorders. 

MGEDT have a really important role to play in raising awareness of male sufferers of eating disorders. In their report of eating disorders in the media 'Warning this picture may damage your health'  B-eat found that the majority of individuals surveyed (72% in fact) could name anorexia as a type of eating disorder and only 3% said binge eating. The thing is, only 10% of eating disorders present as anorexia! There is also the common misconception that most eating disorder sufferers are female and are underweight, when in fact 80% of people with an eating disorder are overweight. 

Eating disorders do not just affect teenage girls. Anyone can be affected at any age, regardless of their gender, race, culturally upbringing or background. It is important to think about those individuals who may be suffering in silence as they don't feel they fit into the stereotypes so are ashamed to seek help or feel that they don't fit with what is expected so therefore don't have a problem. 

Matt Ryd's death is horribly sad, but hopefully some awareness may come from this tragedy and help more people to seek help that need it. 

Kate xx

Appearances can be deceiving

I was inspired to write something this evening after reading my wonderful friend Anna's blog. Anna has already featured in my blog recently... but hey she's so freaking awesome that she might as well have another mention! Anna blogs about mental health in a really brutally beautifully honest way. I think it's really reflective of how we should all talk about mental health issues. There's way too much stigma and avoidance about talking about it and as these issues can affect 1 in 4 people.... that's a BIG reason we should be shouting about it and making sure everyone knows. 

Anna's recent blog post chatted about the misconceptions of mental health. I came across this Marilyn Monroe quote recently and thought the two fit together beautifully. There always seems to be a certain element of surprise when people 'come clean' about having a mental health issue. Even I HATE that turn of phrase... but I'm using it to kind of reinforce and demonstrate my point. There's a feeling of 'wow... but you don't seem mad' or just a lack of realisation that people who struggle with mental health can totally look like normal people... Shock horror I know!!! I realise it's rather unbelievable that all people with a mental health problem don't wear a sign or a badge that says 'hey, I'm cray!!' but they don't... and often a huge part of the problem is hiding the fact there's a problem!!! 

So today I want to chat about a wonderful project called Time to Change  one of their current campaigns is called 'Talk about mental illness: we dare you'. I personally suffer from some mental health problems... not quite ready to completely talk about them out in the open... but I'm getting there and I think it's massively positive to do so. So yeah.... let's all talk mental health and move away from some of these crappy preconceptions and misconceptions. 

Loves xx 

Tomorrow I shall be more like my labrador

I've become a little too addicted to Buzzfeed at the moment. I'm not ashamed to say it... it's a fact. I just love all the interesting and useless facts and funny things that exist in the world and come together on the magical site that is Buzzfeed.

The other day... whilst browsing something along the lines of 'cute animals that are fluffy'... or something along those lines... I found this gem!

As I read the caption alongside the picture of this adorable labrador (I'm not biased much of course....) I melted at the cuteness of it! I thought about my own labs... pictures below... (Meg doesn't look this cute anymore.... but for everyone's positive wellbeing I felt it imperative to share her cute puppiness with the world!)  

Meg and Bert demonstrate this beautifully. Especially Bertie who hates the car. He looks at you before jumping into the boot with a sad look that clearly asks if he really has to get in the car. Despite his obvious worry and the fact that once in the car he practically melts into the floor of the boot until the journey is over, Bertie places all of his trust in us and still gets into the car. He trusts that we will keep him safe and take him somewhere nice, on a little adventure. 

As I was reading this and thinking about my own dogs; I started to think about how this would be a benefit in life. How actually taking the labrador approach and just looking at the world in it's simplest form without all the complications might actually be beneficial for us and our own positive wellbeing. If I think about myself... something which I am not all that comfortable doing... I realise I spend a huge amount of my time overthinking absolutely everything and anything I can. It's something that often leads to a huge amount of anxiety and above all a TOTAL WASTE OF TIME!!!!! If I lived more in the style of Meg and Bert and just accepted things happening as they come and think about the positive outcome at the end rather than any discomfort and yuck along the way... then perhaps I'd feel better overall. 

Therefore my goal is to be more like Meg and Bert... fingers crossed this won't extend to sniffing butts and peeing outside... perhaps that would be a little too far to go! 

Life is full of beauty.

'Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Smell the rain and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential and fight for your dreams.'

Today I'm feeling rather thoughtful. I'm not sure where it's come from but I've spent a little time today thinking about the world and all sorts of things. I spent a lovely relaxing afternoon with the wonderful Beth in town mooching about and now I'm feeling decidedly relaxed.

I don't think there's a particular theme to todays blog other than it being full of some shout outs really! I have some pretty awesome friends and family. A few of whom will feature in today's post.

The first is my little sister Lizzie. I find it funny to call her my little sister, as she's all grown up now and almost ready to head off to University. Lizzie has always been a bit of a style icon to me.... I can sense her head expanding as I write this!! She's always had a way of being able to put together outfits e.t.c. and just look effortlessly beautiful, demonstrated by these photos.

So clearly she got all of the attractive genes!! Anyway.... this stylish lady has her very own fashion blog. I think everyone should have a read. It's actually quite good.

http://elizabeebee.blogspot.co.uk/

I also want to share two other bloggies! The first belongs to my lovely honorary wife Beth and the second belongs to my lovely friend Anna. Now these two blogs couldn't really be more different! Beth's blog is a gorgeous homely look into her baking genius. Anna's is a beautifully realistic view of mental health and inside the human mind. Both are really good and worth a look.

http://thebakingginger.blogspot.co.uk/
http://annapob91.blog.com/

Fin.

Sleepy ramblings with rain relaxation

I decided to spend the weekend at home. I love being at home but one problem I always have is the fact that being home muddles up my sleeping pattern. Both my Mum and sister are early risers... I mean really early risers. They both have an ability to be awake and fully functioning early in the morning. Something I develop an adversity to whilst being back in York. Not only are they able to be awake, cheery and fun; but they also have a habit of having conversations that tend to wake me up!! They know I still love them despite this irritating habit. Due to their earlybird nature, they also both go to bed early in order to be able to wake up early. Again this is something that isn't rather compatible with student timings. Whilst at home I quickly slip into the early-to-bed early-to-rise routine and therefore return to York with a bit of a wonky sleeping pattern; aiming to stay awake later with my housemates but undoubtedly waking up early as my body wants me to be awake as per Suffolk-time. The result of this is usually a week of being rather sleepy and grumpy!!

Today I was wide awake just before 6am, determined to get back to sleep and be victorious over my body clock... however this was not to be so... and I find myself wide awake at 7am having been so for over an hour... HUMPH! Clearly today will feel long...

Anyway... this is just the background to today's entry. During my hour of attempting to get back to sleep... browsing on Etsy on my phone (the fact I had yet to open my laptop at this stage demonstrated my determination to remain asleep... my phone clearly doesn't count!); I came across the inspiration for a blog. Now for me to have such a strong blogging idea is something rather unusual. I am definitely developing the view that writing is very cathartic and therapeutic; something I am keen to do and enjoy a great deal. However, often strong inspiration takes it's sweet time coming to me. So... alas today was a unique experience of morning inspiration.

So my idea for today... now that it's had one heck of a build up and will undoubtedly now end up sounding like a bit of an anticlimax... HA! Basically I was thinking about mental health problems, as you do, and was thinking of a way to try and describe the constant battle an individual who has them faces each and everyday to someone who perhaps hasn't had this kind of experience. The idea that came to be as I attempted to doze was that of two dogs who were forced to be together who didn't get along. Now bear with me... there is solid 6am reasoning behind this of course!!

Imagine the scene. There are two dogs out on a walk who are on one of those funky double leads. They have something they are both trying to do (go on a walk) which represents someone with mental health problems trying to kind of get along and through each day. So.... these two dogs... one represents the person (let's go for the little dog) and the other represents the mental health issue (let's go for the black dog for depression symbolism too.... wooo check out all this symbolic-ness!). Check out funky diagram!

So... these two pooches are pretty excited to be on their walk... the trouble is they don't get along at all. There are the obvious issues that they each have different length legs, so one walks faster than the other which is irritating for both or them. Also the black dog doesn't really feel like walking after all and wants to go in a different direction and stop to sniff different things along the way. Basically the two of them aren't really compatible, but they can go for little periods where they can get along on and make compromises for each other and manage their walk. They're not happy about it... but they manage to do it with some kind of normality. Apart from anything... whilst not really getting along, they have to remain about 2 feet away from each other at all times. They're together if one of them needs to take a dump, or stop for a drink or even while one of them takes a moment to sniff another dog's backside. They are forced to share all of these experiences together. Obviously at points it all gets too much for them and conflict erupts. If you've ever seen two dogs having a spat who are forced to be in such close proximity... it's a bit messy and violent. 

So what am I trying to get at? For someone with a mental health issue.... and I really feel this analogy works for a whole host of mental health problems... there is a constant battle with the individuals own form of 'black dog'. There's something there beside them or within them that constantly makes things difficult for them whilst trying to do everyday things, whether these are mundane things or something a little more unusual. Rather like the dogs on the lead, often it's possible to muddle through or carry on as normal as possible, but the mental health problem is always there in the background. I think however there's a certain sense of empowerment about this. The mental health problem is close and part of the person but it can be temporary... the dogs don't have to be on their shared lead forever... the mental health problem can be moved further and further away until it has less of an impact (through different coping mechanisms and self development) or it can be separated from the person entirely. 

I wonder if this little analogy will seem a bit pants later on today. But right now I like it and I'm going to run with it. Perhaps now I've written it down I might be able to have a snooze for an hour or so before accepting defeat and properly waking up. On the subject of therapeutic things, it's raining. The sound of rain is one of the most relaxing things ever for me. In terms of my analogy... my own personal black dog gets soaked when there's rain and left outside in a puddle! I love the sound of rain on the rooftops or on a window. Back home in Suffolk I have a sky light above my bed which amplifies the sound and acts as the best relaxation soundtrack ever. I guess I'm not as huge a rain fan if I have to go out in it and get soggy, it was a real pet hate when I used to do all of my horsey things. Wet, muddy rugs are the worst and tend to get you drenched and filthy as soon as you touch them... but when I know I can spend a good majority of the day inside watching the weather and having a play with my new little vintage jewellery shop... it's just bliss! 

Anyway... I'm going to stop there. I hope you have gained some insight or enjoyment from the ramblings of someone who is clearly not properly awake/totally insane. 

Loves xx